Just when we were starting to get the hang of Wall Street’s bad-news-is-good-news reflex, they change the rules! Yesterday’s bad news was that March retail sales had fallen short of expectations, producing the weakest monthly increase in same-store receipts since November 2004. Now, there is no question that this is indeed bad news for an economy in which consumption has at times accounted for as much as 85% of GDP. So how did the stock market react? Well, the Dow gyrated nervously all day, but in the end the blue chip average finished down 23 points.

Ordinarily we would have expected stocks to rise, since, as the thinking goes, signs of a weak economy are more likely elicit the sympathy and concern of Fed chairman Ben Bernanke. We all understand that Helicopter Ben, as he is known, is solely responsible for the performance of the U.S. economy, and it is his willingness to ease credit that determines not only the fate of each and every business in America, but your future prosperity and mine. Bernanke rules the Open Market Committee, and when he says “Ease!” the members respond in unison, “How low!?” But if  investors can’t play along with this game, pushing stocks higher when the news is “bad,” they risk sending confusing signals to the Fed chairman and his lackeys.

Fortunately, Wall Street will have another chance to get back into reverse gear today when employment figures for March are released.  So let’s get this straight, gang: If it turns out that employment was weaker than expected, act like that’s something to celebrate. And if the numbers should come in strong, don’t hold back on the fear. A good hour or two of hard selling, and you might even jolt the S&Ps from their month-long coma (see chart below).