Sometimes I’m thankful I’m not Scott Patterson, the Wall Street Journal reporter who has to explain each day why the stock market did what it did. His lead on yesterday’s market wrap-up showed promise: “A victory lap by stocks turned into a run for cover by day’s end.” But by the end of the next paragraph, he was threatening to run off the rails: “Higher most of the day, thanks in part to stock rebounds in Europe and many emerging markets, stocks tumbled in the final hour of trading, dogged by worries about rising oil prices and the instability of overseas markets.”

In fact, oil prices went no higher yesterday than they were for most of last week, and overseas markets were no more unstable than they’ve been for, oh, the last five years. But don’t get me wrong, for I do not mean to criticize poor Scott, who was only doing his job. In his defense, I should note that if there is one thing that eases the stress and anguish of trading, it is knowing each night before we go to bed just what it might have been that “dogged” us that day. So thank you, Scott, even if you’ve got to stretch the truth occasionally to find a compelling story in something so abstruse and inscrutable as the stock market’s behavior.

But don’t try telling it like it really is, since you could eventually lose your job with a lead like this: “Stocks gyrated wildly yesterday for no apparent reason. There was speculation in some quarters that a program trader had gone postal. However, informed sources said the day’s action was completely normal, driven as it was by the mood swings of men and women whose job is to look for the investable significance of virtually every news item that hits the airwaves, even if it concerns only Brad and Angelina, or something muttered by the Fed chairman at a cocktail party.

All kidding aside, we salute you, Scott, for the skill with which you balance meaningless clichés and fact each day, piling them up without causing the more thoughtful of your readers to veer toward presumptuousness. Indeed, any investor or trader who claims to truly understand the stock market’s behavior is as clueless about it as Pompeii’s victims were about volcanic whim.

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Australian Seminar?

Quite a few of you have indicated you are likely to attend the hidden-pivot seminar in New York this October. I’ve also heard from about a half-dozen Australian readers and subscribers who said they’re interested but that it would be too far to travel. However, I’m willing to come to Sydney or Melbourne if I can fill a class, so let me please hear from you if that would work.

The New York session will be a no-frills version of the course that I gave in Denver, offered at a significant saving over the original price. After that there will probably be just one more session offered – in San Francisco, late in 2006 or early 2007 -- but that would be the last for a long while.

The course includes post-grad mentoring via a chat group that some of my former students have set up. If you’ve been impressed with the accuracy of my forecasts, this is an opportunity you should not pass up. Please let me know via e-mail if you are serious about coming.