Today’s musings are those of my dear wife Marilyn – a nice change of pace, I hope, from the usual Rick rant. Here’s her very first guest editorial: 

“Intra-day alert”  has a different meaning here on the Ackerman homestead. It’s when I hear Rick in the kitchen microwaving leftovers, and I know it’s my chance to swoop in for a much-needed powwow before he can get back on the phone, back in the Rick’s Picks chatroom or back on hold with Tradestation tech support - or with Dell, or Comcast, or Webex – I don’t have a favorite; they’re equally bad . I know I only have a few minutes before he heads back into his lair, so I get my list. I want to cover every question and detail I’ve been writing down since 8 a.m., and this is my chance. We recap the Hidden Pivot seminar numbers (February is filling up; Q&A sessions for recent grads equally split); I complain that the students don’t read my e-mails; he asks for tax documents; I tell him he’s gotta be here when the painter shows up at 2; he burns his toast and starts over; I follow him around, cuz this is the only time I’m gonna get.

He reminds me that our youngest son has to go to religious school this afternoon, and that I have to “go with him.” I know I’ve gotta think fast to get out of it. We all have those little things that we just don’t want to face: for some it is the job interview or the performance evaluation. Others dread the prospect of negotiating the purchase of a new car. For my friend Louise, it’s driving on the highway. Whether it’s plowing through a crowded theater to get a good seat, trying to find a parking spot in San Francisco or having your proctologist appointment pop up in Outlook reminders with that dreadful little bell sound, everyone has something – that one, can’t-be-denied little thing they try to get out of. For me, it’s church. It’s not the going or the religious instruction per se that gets to me, it’s the sitting and waiting for it to be over.

Cokesbury Hymnal

When I was a kid, I used to start Friday night, conjuring excuses to get out of going on Sunday morning. I’m not sure why I didn’t want to go. It could have been the uncomfortable clothes and shoes, those once-a-week, too clean woolens and patent leathers.  Maybe it was the laborious repetitiveness of the agenda (Methodists don’t veer too far from tradition), or the droning tunes in the Cokesbury Hymnal. My brother and I used to tick off the items on the program like staffers in the yearly mission statement/goals/objectives meetings everyone has been to and dreads. I know that repetitiveness was comforting to grandma and Mrs. Steelsmith and probably most of the people in the pews; I felt like that guy in Midnight Express, Billy Hayes, who doesn’t know if he’s ever gonna get out of that Turkish prison.

Sunday school classrooms felt the same way to me. Miss Dvorak, pacing around asking piercing (and sometimes rhetorical) questions to nine-year-olds, the answers to which determined whether or not your soul was even worth saving. “Would Noah have talked during the stained-glass-from-shaved-crayons-and-wax-paper instruction”? We all shook our heads to assure her he wouldn’t. “Who knows why Lot’s wife turned to salt?” “Cuz she looked at you,” whispers Danny Martin to Devon Clark, who punches him, eliciting the full wrath of Miss Dvorak. And, it was only 11:20 a.m. We had another 40 minutes to go before our parents hand-shook their way to our turquoise cinderblock cell (this was the 60’s, remember) to release us. We raced to the Bellaire wagon, dove for the window seat, ripped off our shoes, headed to the Furr’s Cafeteria Sunday buffet, and were free. Finally.

Who Has Time?

When we read about how we need to understand global issues and sift our way through the issues troubling the Middle East, I think I understand what’s going on. Until I married Rick and went to a synagogue, I had no idea that Jewish services are three-hours plus (!) Holy smokes! I kept leaning over to ask where we were on the program, as the outline didn’t appear too daunting. “We’re almost there,” went on for two hours. And, as my older, wiser son pointed out to me, “the Muslims essentially go to church all day. They get up at 5 a.m. to pray, and have all sorts of religion at home and pray several more times.” Why hasn’t anyone figured this out before? We all want to be good people; and for many of us, it takes the better part of a day, or all day, or everyday. Who has time to work up a solution?

“Tell you what,” Rick says, as I pace the kitchen, trying to get myself out of the trip to religious school, “You write my essay and go to the gym for me, and I’ll take Dan to his lesson.”

“Sold!” I say.

So, dear subscribers, today you got me, not because I had anything pithy or enlightening to share about the stock market, gold, utilities or futures. I am not really a “numbers person.” In fact, I bought my first home-accounting software last week (top that for non-numbers person-ness!). But, this was the price I was willing to pay and I’m not gonna second guess it. If I do, then like Lot’s wife, who didn’t look at Devon Clark at all, I’ll regret it.

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Here’s Your $50 Coupon…

A flurry of late registrations brought last weekend’s Hidden Pivot seminar to near-capacity, so I have scheduled another class in February for those who missed it.  Click here for a $50 discount and instructions for registering. The class will be held on the weekend of February 9-10, from 9:00 a.m. to 12:30 p.m. Mountain Time.  If you want to learn how to forecast stocks and commodities as confidently and precisely as top pros, this is an opportunity you should not pass up.