That icon of rectitude, Dave Letterman, took a few cheap shots at Tiger Woods Monday night, but who doubts that the sardonic talk-show host will eagerly kiss the bottoms of Woods’s feet to get him on the show a few months from now, when the world’s greatest golfer has been cleared by his agent for the obligatory media comeback tour?  Tom Hanks, a guest on Letterman’s show that night, showed some class by shooting down each of the less-than-hilarious“Top Ten Ways Tiger Can Improve His Image.” Hanks forced a raucous, fake laugh on #9 (“Change name from ‘Tiger’ to more adorable ‘Puppy’ ”); dead-panned a blank stare on #3 (“Release list of women he did not have sex with”); and declared that he did not “care for that kind of humor” on #6 (“Instead of sweat shops in Asia, have Nike merchandise make sweatshops right here in the USA”). 

Lettermen, you may recall, was at the center of a scandal himself just a couple of months ago, when it was revealed by a blackmailer that the married talk show host had been banging at least two women on the Late Night set.  It would appear that that scandal has blown over entirely, at least outside of Letterman’s home. On Monday night, Hanks’ dour reaction shots were funnier than the material itself, but the skit still would have laid an egg if Letterman hadn’t made a couple of jokes at his own expense. “Maybe I’ll learn a little something myself here tonight,” he quipped before reading the list. We’ll lay odds that when Tiger finally comes on his show, Dave will set a standard for sucking up to celebrities that will eclipse all of his previous suck-up interviews with such worthies as Paris Hilton and Madonna. 

Remember Britney? 

Unfortunately for Tiger, his reputation was to descend even further into the slimy depths of the tabloid world on Tuesday, when Us magazine reported that he had not used a condom with two of the nine women named so far in the biggest bimbo eruption since the Clinton presidency. But anyone who doubts that Tiger’s reputation will be resurrected six months from now, and ultimately solidified by a ten-under-par round of championship golf, must have forgotten the sordid saga of Britney Spears, who hit bottom by having her head shaved, going panty-less everywhere she had to climb out of a limo, and performing as though she’d mixed alcohol and sleeping bills before she went onstage. Now look at her: Back again, and bigger than ever! 

In the end, Tiger will be no different.  He’s a billion dollar industry, and too many make too much money off him to allow a scandal, even a salacious one that keeps growing as this one has, to ruin it. Nike wouldn’t dare remove the Swoosh from his cap because they would never get it back. 

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